True Crime

WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?

The Battle for Dad’s Approval: Individuals wearing camouflage in a field on Sarah’s Way in East Hampton Village alarmed a resident on a recent Saturday afternoon. Police found a family playing on their own property with Airsoft guns.

Joy to the happy couple. A suspicious East Hampton resident called police about strangers walking past their driveway. Officers discovered that the pedestrians were wedding guests leaving a celebration at a neighbor’s house.

Next stop, Palm Beach. Police responded to a call about a cormorant that had taken up residence in a swimming pool on Hook Pond Lane in East Hampton Village. They relocated the bird to Hook Pond.

PUBLIC ENEMIES

“I said speak to an agent!” A concerned caller asked police to check on the wellbeing of a stranger on Newtown Lane in East Hampton, who was said to be shouting. The woman in question told officers she’d just been speaking loudly on her phone and did not need assistance.

Now starring in Hair (the musical). 
A woman called the police to report that a man had exposed himself to her in the alley between Main Street and the Blue Parrot restaurant in East Hampton Village. When asked what happened, the man stated that when he sat down, his towel shifted, unintentionally exposing his genitals. Police told him to stay covered up in the future. No charges were filed.

Flesh-eating bacteria, be gone! A group engaged in a “singing ritual” was questioned by police on Havens Beach in Sag Harbor around midnight after someone called in a noise complaint for “chanting.” The group left the beach immediately.

Pawsible deniability. A dog owner got into hot water when her two pooches were spotted running unleashed on Havens Beach on a Tuesday morning. She told police that the dogs had escaped and run down through the Cormaria Retreat Center property on Bay Street, and she was “just picking them up.” Unfortunately for her, video footage, police said, showed her parking her Mercedes directly in front of the “No dogs on beach” sign and exiting the vehicle with her pets.

DRINKING PROBLEMS

Wee the people. Eight people were ticketed in one week alone in late July for public urination in the business district of Amagansett. In one incident, police cited a man and two women just after midnight on a Saturday for taking a whiz near Amagansett Hardware (suspiciously adjacent to the Stephen Talkhouse).

Take me home, country roads. A “highly intoxicated male” was found asleep in the bushes near Springs Auto on Springs-Fireplace Road. He told police he wanted to be taken home but did not know where he lived. An officer figured it out and got him there.

I love you guys so much. A patron named John (who gave no last name) reported that he was “trapped inside” Dive Bar Pizza in Montauk by a drunk who was refusing to let him leave. Police arrived as the place was closing, and reported that everyone there had left without incident. A call to John’s phone number went unanswered.